Reasoning
by BollyKnickers
Summary: The way he looked at Kate; none of it had changed. All her life, she'd shared her life with another woman, never the only one in the relationship, and she couldn't do this. She had to be the only one. She had to. James/Juliet. Juliet's reasoning.


**Reasoning**

**A/N: **There's been a lot of discussion over Juliet's reasons for what she said and did in The Incident, all the times we've seen _that_ look on Juliet's face and not quite known what she's thinking (because Liz Mitchell is that awesome and stuff) and I thought to myself 'what exactly is it Sawyer and Kate did that lead to Juliet deciding it was all over'... this is probably way off the mark, but whatever. It's just some Juliet POV stuff. I still haven't quite got the Lost characters down :(

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Lost or the characters or anything, unfortunately.

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Juliet wasn't the kind to believe in fate, destiny. She'd heard the terms passed around too much in the past few days. But she wondered if maybe this was it. Her mind, as fast working as it had always been, had been on overdrive in the past couple days, to an extent where she would happily put it on hibernate mode for a while, if that were possible. Perhaps, she mused, that's what it _was_ on for the past three years Before they came back. She had reached a place that was comfortable, in a routine that was easy. Something she hadn't experienced in... well, for as long as she could remember.

She had known. She had definitely known, the moment he'd said those words to her: 'they're back'. Her heart had taken a nose dive, her head spun, she'd _needed_ to sit down before her legs gave way. Part of her had to have known that it was going to happen. That one day, against all odds – because, well, that was how things worked on the island; they were in 1977 for christ's sake – they'd be back. Kate. Kate would be back. It had been with uncertainty that he'd said her name, as if he knew what her reaction would be before she did. Except, she had known. She'd _waited_ with baited breath for that word to leave his lips. Hadn't she always been the elephant in the room, the one thing they didn't speak about, the one thing that was between them, but that never mattered because they never acknowledged her? Until she was on their doorstep, unchanging in the three years she'd been gone. The three years they'd created a life together in.

And from that moment, she'd known it was over. No matter how many times he told her everything was going to be okay – he'd whispered it to her as they'd drifted in and out of sleep so many times before, and she'd _always_ believed him; not now – she had this uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. A change was brewing, and it was not going to be for good.

She'd even considered leaving, getting on the sub, going without a goodbye. It would be easier than watching everything she'd built crumble apart before her eyes. She'd rather have no one, than be second best to someone. It would hurt, sure, but she'd get through it. She would build her life again, somewhere new, as someone knew. She'd done it before, she could do it again.

But, she'd stayed. She'd stayed and she'd waited for the inevitable. And, it had been alright. For a time. A week, maybe two. He'd promised he was with her_, _that that wouldn't change, that it wouldn't have to. And she'd believed him. 99% of her had, anyway.

She'd set down one single rule. She hated doing it, but she knew she had to, for her own sanity. He wasn't to call _her_ anything but 'Kate'. It sounded stupid – hell, it probably was – but that was it, the one thing she asked of him. He'd looked at her and for a second there was confusion, but he'd nodded, kissed her, and she'd felt safe again. Just for a moment. She could keep an eye on Kate; would have to if she was going to be working with her. James need never go near her. Or so she reasoned. She wasn't going to out rightly tell them to stay away from each other. She knew how that felt. And if he was as over her as he claimed – as she claimed too – they wouldn't need to be separated.

He had called her Freckles. Just once. But the word had slipped off his lips before he'd known what he was saying, and Juliet had swallowed a bit too fast, a bit too loudly. He hadn't even realized he'd said it. Perhaps it had not been her decision to help Daniel, perhaps it was his. It was his words that made her give Kate the code, after all, and the second they left, she felt tears in her eyes, but only for a moment, before she angrily swiped them away. It was alright, it would be alright.

"I'm with you," he'd said. It wasn't the first time, and she'd believed him. She had always believed him. She would trust him with her life, until now. The way he looked at Kate; none of it had changed. All her life, she'd shared her life with another woman, never the only one in the relationship, and she couldn't do this. She had to be the only one. She had to. That's why she'd told him it was over. Just like that, and he'd looked at her, confused, angry... whatever else. She didn't want to look at those eyes longer than necessary.

He'd called her Blondie.

She didn't want to, but she'd felt something inside melt at that word. With them, there had never been any nicknames, any terms of endearment, because they weren't needed. He would show her romantic gestures in other ways. He was James and she was Juliet. Simple as. She didn't even care to call him Jim. It was the one part of this life they'd built together that was real, the only part that wasn't some kind of lie or con, and she'd always liked it being that way.

But he had called her Blondie. And it had sounded right. Genuine. Like maybe he was trying to save them, just with one simple, two syllable word. To replace another. One that she hoped she'd never have to hear again.

Still, she'd turned, walked away, because that was the one thing she and Kate had in common.


End file.
